This morning I woke up at 7:19 am to the always irritating sound of the alarm clock. My boyfriend had instructed me to wake him up in the morning because he was getting into a nasty habbit of being late for work. Aside from the irritation I felt.. I had a deeper feeling in my chest this morning, one that I am tired of feeling, I felt like there was nothing to live for. IMAGINE! Jst imagine waking up with this terrible notion that you have nothing to live for today, or tomorrow... or the next day. At that moment in time I decided that I was sick of waking up like this and I wanted to change my life. I called the Army National Guard, though I am petrified of war, I do know from experiance that the military gives you things that you cant buy from a store.. thats good moral values.. and a good self esteem. I called my mother and told her what I was going to do and she was a little less than upset, she told me that I would go to war and that I would die there. I am not going to die in war... not now... and not ever. The one person I have yet to tell is Collin. I know he would laugh at me or think that my idea was a joke. He would make fun of me... and I most deffinetly need his support to make it through basic. If he ends up refusing to support me... then I would have to leave him. This is very frightening in a way... and I dont want to sign the wrong paper and then regret it later. I barely know what I am getting into and recrutors can be misleading. Though it is only one weekend a month a 2 weeks in the summer.... only 9 weeks of basic.. I just want to know that I am making the right desicion when it comes time to make it.